nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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