Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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