those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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