So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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