Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
