So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
