Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
