idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
