my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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