I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was born a porn star she said
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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