Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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