Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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