No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
