I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
