so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
