Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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