I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
