Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
