if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
