Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize