I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
love makes seman taste better
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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