Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
