You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize