i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
