There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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