Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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