You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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