farters have to be the big spoon...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
