I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A+ Viking dick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
