so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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