I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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