i love accidental penises.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize