I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
