I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
