I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
