i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
