They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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