just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
