my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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