Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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