My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
