you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
