She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
