Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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