Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I pour the whiskey from now on
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
