im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My pussy is not your playground.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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