I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
