i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The feeling are messing with the penis
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
