The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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