have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
