I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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