Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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