he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize