Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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