walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
