you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
