i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize