Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize