So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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