She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
