I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
