forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
