The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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