What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
