i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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