I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
