haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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