I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
